Anjali wants complete attention when I am with her and I totally agree with the idea. I am however distracted easily especially by the phone. So after the recent interview with her was disturbed twice by phone calls, it was already pretty clear that the phone was better kept faraway. Unfortunately the phone rang again for the third time and I, like an incurable addict, could not stop myself from reaching out and speaking. Anjali gracefully went away.
When she came back she said 'Mamma said that we should do our work when there is no phone around.'
Absolutely valid. No rancour. Though I knew she did not appreciate the distraction.
I became defensive and started justifying why the phone call was an important one and why I cannot keep it away (all lies - everything in the world can wait) and why I was being singled out for this behavior. Total victim behavior. I kept on at it when I suddenly realised that young Anjali, who had told me the message in a normal tone, was now in tears.
'You don't know how it feels to be me,' she said. 'You can't think like me.'
I was stunned at the impact. I also quickly realised how I ignored her pain and instead tried to make my imaginary pain bigger than hers. Worse I was justifying it. I don't think I can forget the sight ever nor my realisation about how insensitive I was being, had been.
Can I put her first? More so when she is feeling fragile and vulnerable. And not get defensive and try to make mine a bigger problem than hers.
I will try Anjali, to think and feel like you must be. The only thing I can say is that at the moment, you are more secure, more forgiving than I am being.
Point noted and hopefully the last of such behavior from me. I guess I also do it in many other places, mess up, get defensive and make me out to be the bigger victim. How unfair is that to the original one who is already suffering. Not done. Not fair.
When she came back she said 'Mamma said that we should do our work when there is no phone around.'
Absolutely valid. No rancour. Though I knew she did not appreciate the distraction.
I became defensive and started justifying why the phone call was an important one and why I cannot keep it away (all lies - everything in the world can wait) and why I was being singled out for this behavior. Total victim behavior. I kept on at it when I suddenly realised that young Anjali, who had told me the message in a normal tone, was now in tears.
'You don't know how it feels to be me,' she said. 'You can't think like me.'
I was stunned at the impact. I also quickly realised how I ignored her pain and instead tried to make my imaginary pain bigger than hers. Worse I was justifying it. I don't think I can forget the sight ever nor my realisation about how insensitive I was being, had been.
Can I put her first? More so when she is feeling fragile and vulnerable. And not get defensive and try to make mine a bigger problem than hers.
I will try Anjali, to think and feel like you must be. The only thing I can say is that at the moment, you are more secure, more forgiving than I am being.
Point noted and hopefully the last of such behavior from me. I guess I also do it in many other places, mess up, get defensive and make me out to be the bigger victim. How unfair is that to the original one who is already suffering. Not done. Not fair.
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